It’s funny how things tend to go full circle…
(It’s also ‘funny’ how we say “it’s funny…” when it’s actually rather more…peculiar, or perhaps odd – a conversation my Mum and myself had a few days ago!)
I’ve always lived on our family farm, so all I ‘ve ever known is the outdoors – animals, plants, tree-climbing, fruit trees, MUD… and knowing that milk doesn’t come from a bottle!
But, regrettably, as I grew up I became more and more distant from this way of living, with my interest being rather non-existent by my late teenage years.
I had dreams of being a Vet, and when at Agricultural College, I had high plans of becoming a dog groomer, but then it all… stopped!
Although many would say it’s the process of growing up – which is of course true – how could something I’ve always known and loved become so unimportant to me?
On reflection, it coincided with the strongest onset of my Eating Disorder and OCD.
When we moved to the Island in 2013, I didn’t settle well and kept asking to go ‘home’…but we were! This was our home now!
I grew up in a house that my parents built, that had our garden, our fruit trees, our memories… this place just didn’t feel right!
Whilst I’ve always remained quite crafty – although this diminished a bit too – very soon after our move, I jumped back a good 8 years or so to my childhood interest of Miniatures, purchasing a ‘grown-up’ dolls house.
A long – and rather boring story short – this resulted in my enrolment at Bournemouth Arts University to study Modelmaking.
Again, on reflection – and to be honest, I voiced this within the first few weeks – was I doing this for the wrong reasons?!
Yes, I was genuinely interested in Modelmaking and taking that forward, but, did I need to actually study it?!
I wanted to get away from our new ‘home’ and also, so I could control my food (Dad always did the cooking) and my way of living!
Don’t get me wrong, I did learn a huge amount at Uni and I’m so please and proud that I can say I have a BA Hons, but, I can’t help but think it was all… wrong!
I’m not going into any of it again, but, as you may or may not know – from my previous blog posts, or just by knowing me – 2018 was, quite frankly, the worst year of my life.
Even though so many aspects of my mental and physical health are still an immense struggle for me on a daily basis, I truly do believe I have found what I love. It allows me to get encapsulated, helping to take the edge off my muddled mind.
I have actually returned to my roots.
For the past few weeks, I’ve been getting various things into place – and if you have found my new Facebook page Consciously Clean, I’ve been updating on my progress a little.
Whilst I’ll never lose my creative side – as Gardening definitely has this aspect too – I truly am enjoying being outside, being close to nature, the smells, bringing life and… getting muddy!
From my Kitchen Garden, to a bigger project – with a hand (well, wheel) from our trusty Tractor – the future is very much peppered with sun, seeds and sowing!
That said, I’m off the check on my Broccoli…
I can’t believe how much it’s grown in just a few short days!
See you soon!
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